The Permanent Mission of Joshie

Traveling on a black passport for the first time, I had little idea what to expect. Being red-flagged as a significant threat was probably not among them. I mean, I was, after all, traveling to New York to meet with Department of Homeland Security officials. That said, nothing says I'm off to represent Amerika like: "Sir, I need you to spread your legs a little farther apart please... a little more... ok, perfect."

So, dear reader, I have at long last responded to your pleas to update (or, in the words of one reader: spruce up) this website. No one knows the hour when I will post something new; the place is also unknown. Nine whole days between posts -- I assure you. I am as traumatized as you are.

That said, I am so usput u Zagreb, as we as in the old country.

Last Friday I had the following conversation with the shipping company responsible for transporting my car to Post.

J: So what time will you be by on Tuesday to pick up my car?
SC: Between 10am and 1pm.
J: Hmm... I have some meetings in the morning, is there any chance it could be a bit later?
SC: Sir, we have a boat to catch.
J: Yes, how high. Really. I mean that.

Then on Tuesday, Sean came by to drive my Jetta from my house to the dock in Baltimore. Our conversation went like so:

S: So I'm here to pick up your Jetta.
J: Hey, man, don't talk to me. Talk to her. Compliment her hubcaps. Look deep into her reflectors and tell her how you feel.
(pause)
S: Right, so I need the keys.

I don't play for the critics, man. I play for the fans.

Many unhappy souls likely tuned in last night to watch the third primetime press conference of President Bush's rocky time at the helm of this fair nation. And clearly Elizabeth Dole wasn't among them. The senator from North Carolina was quoted in today's Post saying, "[Bush] showed he was a leader in every sense of the word... [he] outlined and justified a bold and ambitious plan to combat terror around the world. He's telling Americans and the world that when the United States president says something, he means it." Uh-huh.

And many thanks to Tom Shales for his much-needed crack-up a few pages later:

"When I say something, I mean it," George W. Bush said decisively near the end of last night's prime-time presidential news conference. Nobody called out, "When will you say something?" -- the White House press corps is too mannerly for that -- but some reporters, and some viewers, must have been thinking it.... And yet people responding to polls today will probably give Bush points for just showing up. By having so few televised news conferences, he's made the ones he does have into big events. By expressing tremendous confidence in his own judgment and actions, even to the point of not being able to recall a single mistake, it's likely Bush made Americans feel a renewed confidence as well.

In her testimony before the 09/11 Commission on Thursday, NSA Condoleezza Rice (eloquently, I admit) did her best to shift the focus on the Commission's investigation from the Bush administration's response prior to September 11 to its response after. But as Spencer Ackerman observes, the Commission is far more preoccupied with the future of institutional cooperation than it is with assigning blame to Bush or Clinton.

Commissioner Bob Kerrey raised the interesting question that perhaps the administration defines terrorism too narrowly -- he remarked that terrorism is at heart an instrumental objective to perhaps a bigger perception problem. Ackerman quotes Kerrey: "'We underestimate that this war on terrorism is really a war against radical Islam,' he said. 'Terrorism is a tactic. It's not a war itself... I don't think we understand how the Muslim world views us, and I'm terribly worried that the military tactics in Iraq are going to do a number of things, and they're all bad.'"

Last night I (yet again) dreamt that I met Gore Vidal at a garden party -- this time the topic of discussion was his portrayal of General Washington as both tall and aloof in his recent book "Inventing a Nation." Vidal, stunning as always, hardly needed to remind the assembled guests that while, if not the voice of his generation, his certainly a voice of his generation.

In a lecture today with the Macedonian Ambassador to Washington -- who also happens to head the Macedonian delegation responsible for negotiating with Greece on the long-standing dispute over the name (F.Y.R.O.) Macedonia -- someone asked the Ambassador, "Suppose you don't resolve the name dispute by this summer [NB: which seems likely enough]. Should we look for Macedonian Olympiads in Athens under "M" or "F"? (Of course, F.Y.R.O. stands for the Former Yugoslav Republic Of... Macedonia. But as the Ambassador observed, there's no Yugoslavia. Something about his country's name being irrelevent on a number of levels.) And the Ambassador responds, "Neither, actually we'll be marching -- as we always do -- with the L's. As in, 'L'ex- republique Yougoslav de Macedonie.' Yeah, we tend to sit next to the Latvians a lot at UN meetings too."

And while we're talking about things that sound funny in Macedonian, the Ambassador went on to say that Macedonians have a long and proud tradition of revolting against all sorts of foreign rule. "Truly," he said, "[Macedonia is] a thoroughly revolting entity."

Fellow Container Store customer on the cell phone: "Honestly, if they had alcohol here I'd never leave." Contain yourself!

That said, while I might be able to speak at length about extradiction treaties, the dissolution of Parliament, and war crime indictments for crimes against humaity, I can't help but wonder if learning Croatian is a lost cause. Case in point:

Gore gore gore gore
Nego gore gore dolje.

Indeed. [The translation goes something like "The mountains burn worse higher up than they burn down below." I mean honestly.]

Participants on-hand for the 1999 National Collegiate Euchre Championships held in Washington, DC may well remember Holden's sage advice: if you don't get euchred every now and then, perhaps you're just not betting aggressively enough. (NB: I briefly wondered yesterday whether or not that punk is even still alive -- case in point, I went to www.kellyandholden.com but to no avail.) I suppose you could extrapolate from this NCEC wisdom to the realm of leftist publications: if you don't periodically (ha!) get accused of selling out ideology to the center than maybe -- just maybe -- you're not being liberal enough. How this relates to a recent American Prospect article on Colin Powell is unclear.

The cover story of TAP's April edition details CP's relationship with Bush's foreign policy team; more interestingly, it rejects the frequent leftist apologies that Powell has basically tried to do the right thing but in reality has just found himself stymied by the unstoppable war machine. Rather, Steinberger contends that Powell brought to Foggy Bottom the same emphasis on action over reflection that frequently draws criticism of Rice down the street and Rumsfeld across the river. So as he concludes, the "tragedy" of Colin Powell is less than that we failed to persuade a reluctant White House to engage the world on his own (diplomatic) terms, but that Powell has been the good soldier all along -- and so, any failure at State was his own.

[Steinberger's piece, though I think generally well-balanced, is still partisan, of course, and is still printed in a magazine that can comfortable be described as center-leftish. Nevertheless, as in James Mann's recent "The Rise of the Vulkans," TAP moves beyond either the all-too-frequent hagiography of the Bush administration characteristic of David Frum on one side and the uncompromising hatred of the good people at The Nation.]

So: yesterday I sent an email around to some of my colleagues suggesting that they take a look at this depiction of the boss man. Fair enough, I thought. I was greatly disappointed to receive an email back from one individual suggesting that if I (or anyone else, presumably not limited to the editorial board at American Prospect) couldn't accept the administration's vision in the conduct of foreign policy, I was unworthy of my commission and should therefore resign. Now, a couple of things jump out at me: (1) this individual twice admitted that he didn't read the article -- therefore, I suppose I have to conclude his rant was based on my description that the article considered the "vision or lack thereof" of Powell's leadership at State, (2) I don't believe this particular individual holds government employees to a higher standard than other civilians, but would equally well vote any dissenter off the island, (3) who is this person?!? As a long-running ACLU campaign affirms, there is nothing unpatriotic about questioning one's government; indeed, I, like any citizen, feel an obligation to understand the motivations of my leaders -- both because I work for them but more generally because I carry a passport signed by none other than CP. This is the government we have, this is the vision (or lack thereof) we project to the world, this is the government we must evaluate in November. Do I hold my colleagues -- representatives of the United States -- to a higher standard? While we are compelled to fully and faithful protect the Constitution (and therein, faithfully defend the policies of the United States which we represent), in no way are we prohibited from internally dissenting or even discussing our misgivings with our colleagues. I was greatly disappointed to see that the insidious mis-thought -- something like "if you don't agree, get out" -- continues to spread. It will be a sad day indeed when I can no longer discuss the formulation of foreign policy with my colleagues without fear of being labeled as one unworthy of his commission to serve.

Truth be told I'm not sure how best to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the death of Henry Mancini, a man who taught a generation that pink is cool and jazz and private eyes are moral equivalents. Quoth NPR: I grew up hoping that one day I would wake up and the theme to "Peter Gunn" would just follow me around wherever I went. We all did, Henry. We all did.

Well now we've gone and caused a situation, haven't we? There I was minding my own business... no, wait, that will never do, I should tell it like it happened. It was the exact moment of India's independence. No, wait, that's not true either. Clearly I'm going nowhere with this (loyal PMJ viewers -- both of you -- will welcome the return of the witty, albeit circular, banter).

Righto, so dear SCS decided to reveal -- gasp! -- my website to MP. Who, it turns out, stole my keys.

Quoth Mother: "That's awful! I mean, you haven't even been blogging."
Josh: "Oh Mother."
Mother: "I mean, not even about your latest parking ticket."
Josh: "Mother."

Fine, yes, it's true, I can deny it no longer. After a three-month dry spell I have once again a debtor to the District. And -- insult of insults! I mean, who do these people think they are! -- I was shocked (also, agog) to find street cleaning tickets have ballooned from $25 to $30. Really fellows. If my salary did that occasionally I could probably afford to pay you. Instead, flight does seem like an attractive option. You can't boot me through the pouch!

Is that even true? Do I want to test you, S. Knox?!? Oh I do. You are mother-less, S. Knox. Mother-less.

In still other news, I have yet to try out my new pie caddy. I am: a veritable bubble of excitement. All that stands between me and transporting pie with ease is, well, said pie. Send me an idea, please.